5 Things Most Women Prefer to Sex

Sex is kind of like cookies. When you've just been to the grocer and your pantry is well-stocked with sweet goodies, you can wait and wait until late in the night to grab one because, eh, whatever, it's there if you want it. But the minute you run out of Nutter Butter's, dammit, it's all you think about. 
I'm going to assume the women who filled out this British survey about things they prefer to sex -- and there are five of them -- have absolutely no room left in their cupboards for cookies. There's simply no other way to explain the lameness of some of their preferred pastimes.
The U.K. survey shows that women are six times as likely to choose watching TV, reading, watching a movie, cooking, and "catching up on paperwork" to having sex with their partner -- no word on how many of these women are married or in long-term relationships.

One in 10 women said they couldn't live without sex, while 1 in 5 said they couldn't live without their favorite TV show. 
But, I'm sorry, can we go back for a minute? Women would rather COOK than have sex? I know it can be fun to whip up a great soup -- okay, no, it's not all that fun at all, I'm totally lying. But are you really telling me more women prefer to cut and slice garlic into tiny pieces (which is just annoying), measure flour, and get a bunch of pots dirty and then have to scrub them clean then have and give orgasms?
And don't even get me started on "paperwork." As in, shred mail that has been sitting on the counter for 3 weeks? Because if that's your idea of fun -- bless you -- sex should be an absolute thrill-a-minute party every time you have it.
At least TV and movies are the lovers that give back. You get to sit and do absolutely nothing at all, but receive superficial pleasure in return and escape your reality for a night. I mean, my husband and I have been planning for two days to catch up on Homeland tonight and the idea is just thrilling as a roll on the hay. A trip to the spa and sleeping in on a Saturday morning make a little more sense to me, as well.
But still, guys, come on! Take it from someone who is sharing a bedroom with her baby while in the process of moving and whose couch is rather uncomfortable, if you get what I'm saying. The things on this list don't even come close to having sex. Again, I think the women surveyed must be enjoying it anytime, any place. Oh, and they probably don't have children?
Be honest -- do you prefer doing any of these 5 things to having sex?

Stephen Bowler